It is hard to stay asleep, even when Iβm supposed to be sleeping. Every night I canβt go to sleep until three or four am, and then as soon as the sun creeps in between 6:00 and 6:30, I am awake again. I think itβs the caffeine quite obviously. For three days in a row Iβve found myself at the boba shop between three and four in the afternoon. I donβt know what is making me go there. It feels a little like having some kind of out of body experience. I black out and come to at a table with a Milk tea, tapioca, 25% sweet, and a container of popcorn chicken.
I think this is somehow related to the fact that Iβve fallen back into scrolling social media for 3-5 hours a day. This is what I am like when Iβm at my worst. Social media makes me compulsive, exhausted, numb, mildly self-destructive. I have been taught to think of this as depression, and I donβt know if thatβs right or wrong. Also I donβt really care. I just know that thinking of it as depression doesnβt really help me deal with it. I have been prescribed antidepressants but I donβt take them a whole lot. I donβt like the way they make me feel: dry, empty, and numb. Plus it takes me forever to have an orgasm. Iβve also been prescribed Aderrall for my ADHD, but I donβt love the way that makes me feel either: shaky and jumpy and dried out.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, Iβve had success dealing with both ADHD and depression by doing the following things: exercising, limiting my social media intake, eating halfway decently, hanging out with friends and loved ones,
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